May 2nd through the 9th I'll be in Vienna (well, actually 3rd with that day lost flying). I guess anyone who's actually read this knows it's kind of a big deal. and i'm nervous and excited. guess i have a couple months to get used to the idea.
just passing on the info for those interested (even though i can't make it and won't be there.. cuz i have that whole pool league thing on tuesdays so i'll be at the bar drinking and playing pool... gotta keep the priorities straight, but i know enough of the people on my flist are in the city and might be interested)
hey, does anyone in cali have a good travel agent/cy recommend? my friend i used to check with doesn't work for one anymore and i need to buy a ticket but don't want to go the online route just to avoid any headaches of non-changeable tickets if things come up that need to be changed.
oh, yeah. and much luv and squishy goodness. hope peeps are well.
i've been wrestling with this for a while, but i'm thinking it's time. my journal has been here a while now and it's odd, but i think i got more out of it with no friends list. you hit a point where too many people in real life know you or read your journal, and anyone who knows me in real life knows that being exposed and/or vulnerable is just not my best character trait. i thought it was therapuetic to write and haven't done a journal before, and it is but i'm not sure how much benefit i'm getting any more when everything is censored for x or y reasons and i fill this space with really trivial things lately.
i've definitely enjoyed it, and i'll probably even read and comment from time to time but i think this journal has run it's course and served what purpose it could serve.
i was going to leave comments to various people, but i guess that's part of the problem. it's too easy to distance myself from the real people that i give a shit about when i can say things here and just expect that they'll read them. hopefully i'll learn to say more of them to the people i care about, even the negative. think i'm getting a little better there.
it's been a bumpy year on this thing and in the real world, but now, while things are going really well, i think i'm going to step off the net and do what i can to really appreciate everything that comes along, even the storms and some things you just can't share appropriately with the rest of an anonymous world or audience without sacrificing a part of it somehow or making it less mine.
thanks to everyone for sharing the bits of their lives that i got to see, and with that i think it's time the curtain closed on this chapter. besides, it's a beautiful day and i think it's time to play in the sun rather than linger behind a screen. and somehow that feels nice.
things are looking up. new apartment, new computer (still need to transfer my dsl line), lots of really positive changes. i've even been waking up really easily in the morning and getting flirted with at the bar... though my friends are kind of dicks. lol. one of my friends pulled me away from some guy because he thought i needed saving. i thought it was kinda rude, but then again considering he could toss me around no problem i didn't get much choice in it. funny how much of a difference being in a different place mentally makes.
this year has been a hard year, but it's quickly fading into the background and the next year looks like it's gonna be pretty awesome (so i'm a month premature... does that count as premature speculation?)
and for some reason the eurythmics are in my head. i used to listen to their greatest hits cd a lot. One of those 'this song has nothing to do with this post' type lyrics, but it's in my head.
"Thorn in my side. You know that's all you'll ever be. So don't think you know better 'Cause that's what you mean to me... I was feeling complicated. I was feeling low. Now everytime I think of you I shiver to the bone..."
people outside the hospital are protesting animal testing. i'm not going to state my view on this one way or the other, since my view is fairly mixed, but i heard a comment walking up back to work. a woman handing out a flyer made the remark "what they're doing is not only illegal, it's immoral". This just strikes me as the worst remark to try to make me side with you on anything. who defines morality? who sets down an absolute blanket morality that covers everyone? is it even possible to have a moral argument? i think that everyone has morals on some level, and we grow up through circumstances that define them, but i don't think my morals would ever mesh identically with anyone elses thus making a moral argument or blanket morality statement impossible. just a thought.
"We do not take the moonlight for granted. It is like snow, or like the dew on a July morning. It does not reveal, but changes what it covers."
got the place. signing the lease and getting the keys today. probably still take a little bit to move everything over there with the turkey day looming, but fuck yeah! I'm kinda stoked. The place is so awesome. Now I just have to file the 30 day notice letter with my current digs and find me some boxes.
lol. aww. i met a cute guy on friday night... well, i was a little intoxicated. enough that i was hmm... well, i'll leave it at very friendly without the tequila bit, but then he got up to go to the bar and one of my friends tried to talk to him and *gasp* touched him. he told my friend more or less that he was too good for my friend to have touched him and was a dick. i think julie was ready to beat his ass or throw a glass at him, so i just avoided after that.
i never understand that whole mentality. and no, i haven't always been an angel to random strangers at a bar, but the idea in some people that they're somehow above or better than other people makes no sense. that and being a dick just makes you ugly no matter how pretty you think you are. gah.
looked at an awesome apartment with a friend... might have more news on that shortly, but there's complications to it that will hopefully get resolved soon... though that does mean i could wind up living in the castro again... and that's just.. well... trouble.
ah, well. off to work out.
"consent is all i need to bring out the savage in me. your scent is all i need to bring out the animal in me."
computers are way too much of a headache. and the idea of buying a computer that doesn't come with a recovery disk but is set up on a partition instead makes no sense, especially when they can't send you a recovery disk after you wind up having the hard drive replaced and the store you bought it from can't either. their customer support sucked. *le sigh*
been a few days and nothing really newsworthy or noteworthy floating around my little head. well, actually there's quiet a bit floating around my little head but it's mostly recycled and reused and i've been all of those places before, so now i'm just waiting to stand up on my hill looking out over the city and wondering what the people are doing tonight.
my computer is back in the shop, so in a day or 2 i get to try again and see how long it can hold on to it's little electric ghost before giving it up. hard to type with fingers crossed this way, but i'll work it out i imagine.
guess with the holiday yesterday and the weekend without the net i've missed most of what everyone's been up to. hope all is well. props to prezrobert on the new icon. that's just yummy. and big hugs to redarius mostly cuz i honestly don't know what to say or what the heads going through.... haven't even read the entries on it, but you know how fast the word of mouth goes. one queer opens wide and things just start to spread, but hey, you'll definitely be in my thoughts.
and now it's back to work, nose to the grindstone with no real grinding to do. hope today bounces speedily along.
death to the people who have me listening to country... i may be white trash from wisconsin, but at least it's urban and not redneck. yuck.
"You could have your choice of men But I could never love again He’s the only one for me, jolene"
and in dreams last night, hot hot man.. dark hair, tall, nice chest my head was on at one point. weird when you can actually feel the cock in your dream pressed up against you. damn. why did i have to wake up? i think my subconscience (sp??) needs to get laid. mind fuck anyone?
in response to an email he sent me about the goodness of man and forgiveness. one of those just posted in here mostly for my benefits on heavy on the ideas of christianity and the bible so only read if you're interested in that shit.
i'm bored and stuck at work until 5 since i had a dentist appointment this morning. is it odd that i'm happy i have absolutely nothing to do tonight? i will be laying around with a book all night. i'm starting to enjoy being hermetical.
the atlanta trip over the weekend isn't going to happen. my friends work couldn't set up the meetings i guess, so he's not going until December. Maybe in the spring. I could use a trip somewhere soon.
lol. one of my coworkers just told me i should move to LA after a debate about politics. i know i'm a little out of my environment in that i don't think Willie Brown was such a bad mayor for San Francisco, and as the current elections go I think a conservative (can't believe i typed liberal when i first saved this. ack!) candidate is good for this city. San Francisco is so uber-liberal already and balance is nice. A city should grow and not stagnate because your dog had a favorite tree he liked to pee on that got cut down to make room for office space. okay, so it was more about artist spaces. i'm all for them having it, but apparently at one point the city was making the money to justify the construction and development which comes back to the city in terms of revenue and growth.
he wound up making some random argument about the idea of commercialization costing us green and parks and i asked what parks we've gotten rid of? then got told to move to LA when he couldn't think of any park or real land that had been lost as a result. i can't help thinking that San Francisco could get sketchy really quick with an overly liberal government.
But then it is politics. Guess everyone has their own $0.02 and at the local level i don't follow the issues all that much, especially as i've been pretty content with the city the way it is, or at least through whatever blinders i have on to make it glow in the pretty colors i believe it to be? i'm certainly not about to vote for someone just because they're a liberal (and in truth i'm not voting today, which i'm getting shit for, but it'll wind up being a run-off next month regardless i think given the opinion polls. and if not, i'll be content with the leading contender.)
As for the props, I'm honestly torn on a bunch of them and wouldn't really know which way to vote. Does it really help to make panhandling illegal in certain areas? Raising minimum wage is a great idea, but will it cost you businesses? But then isn't it right for the city to work towards a living wage for it's residents or to at least find a way to lower housing costs. A happy medium should exist somehow, but I'm not really comfortable on voting for or against.
Anyway, random thoughts on a cold november day.
"I am king of all I see, my kingdom for a voice Old man don't lay so still, you're not yet young There's time to teach, point to point Point observation, children carry reservations Standing on the shoulders of giants leaves me cold"
i had a longish entry but lj ate it. bastards. so i think this is going to be the abbreviated version.
Halloween was messy. Between old people trying to pinch my nipples, a drag queen kissing me (lipstick everywhere... who lets these amateurs out for the night anyway? *g*), and some random friend trying to take me home out of the blue, it was in the true spirit of the holiday, frightening. i did get a nice 'wow' when i took off my hoody and just had on a tight little green shirt and a nice compliment from the guy rubbing on my legs... who are these people?
Random comment of the weekend: Him: "I need a jimmy hug" (after about 20 seconds of being hugged, rocked back and forth and unreleased..." Me: "Alright, time's up. I just can't do physical contact for any longer than that without more alcohol in me."
Saturday was cool. Hung out with Jeremy, untitled42 for most of the night while he caught me up on the goings on in the x-men universe and then went back to watch tv cuz i wanted cartoons. by the time anything worthwhile was on, i was out. i had hit the point while trying to watch justice league that i was really trying to stay awake, but my eyes just kept working against me and shutting. I think it was the most time we've actually hung out one on one all year. Made for a cool night.
Sunday was a long conversation with my dad and a lot of reflections on the past which i'm not going to go into in an entry i don't think. Definitely put me in a weird space for a little bit.
And today had me running around the floors to get a morgue pack which included a body bag. yuck. One of those 'i don't want to work at a hospital' days. I'm still trying to coordinate the death certificate thing between the doctor and the funeral home. 2 more hours and i can go home. Yay for that.
Hope everyone had a great weekend/halloween since my comments will be absent from most of those entries. Still no computer at home and too hard to backtrack through several days worth of entries.